What would you say to your younger self? Victoria Beckham recently wrote to her younger self with some words of advice. Some friends have done the same and this has inspired me to write to the 18-year-old me.
Of course, I do so with a great many years of wisdom and hindsight but it feels enlightening to look back.
Dear Fiona,
Be a Tomboy if you want to be and don’t worry what others think. You will learn eventually that we are all very different and conforming to a gender stereotype will only make you feel awkward and unhappy.
Don’t hate those that laugh at you for being skinny and flat-chested. For, in time, you will have the last laugh.
Don’t let anyone cut your hair short. You have thick and wavy hair and it will not lie flat and fine against your head, no matter how many hairdressers you consult.
That disastrous 1980s Princess Diana style haircut will grow out, but not before you have to attend your sister’s wedding.
Don’t get that perm. But if you do, please have the foresight to avoid all photography.
Trust that an amazing 21st century invention called hair straighteners will change your life.
Great friends will come in time. Don’t try to force that part of your life and don’t be someone you are not in a bid to gain more friends.
Your best friends will like you for who you are, warts and all – and they will be friends for life.
Pay attention to a few fashion trends, especially when it comes to your glasses. Holding on to the same style for more than a decade will not be a good choice. Please trust me on this one!
Learn to be less overtly competitive. You can’t easily change that part of your personality and it will drive you forwards in life but you can be less outwardly boastful.
Deal with your eating disorder sooner rather than later (although I fear you will not). Be brave, face up to it, stick at the counselling and get over it. Waiting until your 30s to overcome this desperate illness will leave you regretful of all those wasted years of body image worries.
Stand naked in front of the mirror and accept what you see. You might think that everyone else is more beautiful/slimmer/ more sporty but, actually, your figure is great, too.
Tell yourself that it will be a crying shame if you only come to like your body in your late 30s.
Don’t try to fake a Scottish accent. You were born in England but you will live most of your life in Scotland. You will always speak with an English accent. Those who don’t like you for your English accent are not worth knowing.
You will become great friends with your mum. That might seem impossible now but in time you will learn she is a wonderful, clever, caring and funny woman.
You will become good friends with your sister.
You will be married twice and you will feel ashamed of this but don’t worry about that. We all make mistakes and we don’t always meet the right person straight away. In the end you will find your true love at a time when it’s least expected.
If you don’t want to get married age 21, especially in a meringue style dress, have the confidence to say so up front. Divorce shortly afterwards is not going to make you feel too good.
Discover the hills as soon as you can. It will be where you feel at your happiest and where you will go to beat your blues.
You will suffer with bouts of depression but then you already suspect this. You will come to accept these low periods and, fortunately, you will live the majority of your life as a glass half full type of person.
Please stretch more! You will run, cycle, swim, row, ski and enjoy many sports throughout your life but you must remember to stretch as well. If not, all your sport will leave you stiff and inflexible in middle age.
Look in the mirror and like most of what you see rather than focusing on a few things you really don’t like.
You will never feel younger than your late 20s. You might creak and ache a bit physically as the decades go by but your mental age will stop at around 28.
Travel more. You will never regret a trip and you will never miss the money.
Don’t try to save money by not climbing that African mountain.
Wear sunglasses and suncream whenever the sun is out.
Trust in yourself and make more of your own decisions. They might not always be the best ones but you are resourceful and smart thinking.
Ask your nan more questions about her life because when she’s gone you will wish you had.
Relish being a mum. Motherhood won’t be planned and it won’t be easy but you should trust that you will make a good job of it.
Learn to enjoy your own company.
Love from,
Fi (aged 48)