I am now 50 – and I need a big goal…

Turning 50 feels like a defining moment. I look back at important age milestones – and make a grand (stupid?) plan for my 50th year.

When you are four or five you are deemed old enough to go to school in the UK.

Aged 11 or 12, you reach the right age for secondary school.

At 16, you are allowed to have sex legally.

At 17, you can learn to drive a car.

At 18, you can legally buy alcohol in a pub or shop.

But at 50… what do you get at 50? What are you allowed to do?

I was thinking about this as I hiked Scotland’s most southerly Munro, Ben Lomond, on my 50^th birthday this week. It was a good walk for a think.

I thought about all the significant milestones of my life and then of my daughter’s life. I thought of the exciting build up to being four, 11, 16, 17 and 18.

And I thought about turning 50. I am at an age when the things I become eligible for are not so thrilling, such as the menopause. (Grrr.)

I will also be treated to a test for bowel cancer and regular mammograms (both of these are provided by the Scottish NHS) because I have turned 50.

Of course, I also have the gift of freedom “at my age”. My daughter has left home, which means I am much freer to do as I wish, when I want and how I want.

I have savings, I own a house that I could downsize and I have a flexible job. I can look forward to choosing how I spend my money and when I work. Well, at least I hope I can.

I have built up a fabulous group of friends. I have a lovely family. I have a (new) husband. I have a good job and a great lifestyle.

I am more confident in myself and more relaxed about all kinds of things. I have grown up to be someone I think I quite like aged 50.

On turning 50

I started the celebrations with a fantastic canal boat weekend with Hubby G and our lovely friends Vicky and David. My parents kindly lent me their beautiful boat and we spent two very happy days pootling along the Shropshire Union Canal in lovely sunshine.

But I was still not yet 50 at that point.

I went out for dinner with my parents and my sis and brother in law and was gifted a 50th balloon and cake.

But I was still not yet 50 at that point.

I drove home to Scotland in warm sunshine and picked up Little Miss and Wispa the Wonder Whippet in Stirling en route to our home.

But I was still not yet 50 at that point.

I woke up the next day. It was my 50th birthday.

And felt pretty glum about it.

I have no idea why because I knew it was coming. I just didn’t like the feel of it!

So I did what I always try to do when I am feeling a bit low, I go outdoors.

As I hiked Ben Lomond my mood lifted and by the time I reached the summit I was feeling a lot better. G had stashed Champagne in his rucksack and that lightened my mood still further.

That evening I enjoyed another meal, this time with Little Miss and G’s parents. I felt spoilt.

I still have a weekend of celebrating to come in June and I know I will greatly enjoy seeing friends and family for that.

But, still, there is this lingering glumness about being 50.

Other people on turing 50

There have been various reactions to my 50^th birthday. Many people have said: “It’s only a number.” Of course that is true and I am almost exactly the same today as I was yesterday and the day before and the day before that. Being almost 50, exactly 50 or just 50 shouldn’t feel in the least bit different.

But it does feel different.

Other people have told me how lucky I am to be in good health and fitness aged 50. I agree. I am very fortunate (although it is not all about luck because I have worked hard for many years to stay fit and healthy).

I do wish I had paid attention to more warnings about sun and wrinkles. I hope other people do after reading this. But, thanks to good genetics, I am looking “fine for age” I think. At least many people tell me this ­ – and when I squint into the mirror I am mostly ok with what looks back.

Someone suggested that it’s fine to count backwards from the age of 50. So my next birthday will be my 49^th. That is a fun way to look at things.

However, in reality I am 50, almost on the button.

I have so much I can be happy about and generally I am an up beat person but just for a few days I have been feeling rather low and melancholy.

On being 50

I am 50. I am most likely more than half way through my life. The next 50 years are unlikely to be as easy in terms of mental and physical health as the last 50. I have been lucky so far but I have a greater chance of illness in the next decades.

I am having to deal with the full force of the menopause (although luckily I find HRT helps) and after that I will probably have a host of other things to deal with, such as a greater chance of osteoporosis, lower sex drive, ageing skin and depleting muscles and brain cells.

Hopefully, most of this will happen so gradually that I won’t notice. Just like I have not noticed the passage of time over the last few decades as I have progressed towards the person I am aged 50. All those lines and baggy bits! How did they creep up on me?

I confess that being 50 feels a bit shocking but really it should feel no different to how I was last week!

A goal in my 50^th year

So now, instead of being too glum, I have decided it turn my age into a positive. I have done this several times before when I have reached a milestone birthday.

Aged 40 I decided I would run my first (and only!) marathon. I did the Loch Ness Marathon. Aged 45, I decided to try to qualify for the World Age Group Triathlon Championships. I did and I raced in London for Team GB.

I also qualified for the European Age Group Triathlon Championships in the group aged 45 to 49.

Now, at the age of 50 I plan to aim for two big goals.

My 50th ultra goals

The first goal  is to run a 50k ultra. The second is to run a 50-mile ultra. I haven’t yet chosen which events and I am a little worried my body will not cope with the many miles of training I have to do yet.

But I have a plan in place.

I have a coach to help me. I will be blogging on my progress. Ultras at 50:50k:50mile.

Now I need your help to choose my 50k and 50 mile races… What do you suggest?